wherever you are whatever you think of me now, whatever you remember, or don't remember, whoever it was you were then, whoever you are now, happy birthday.
everything I am is trying to compensate for what feels like complete failure, and the one I failed the most was you.
I don't testify, won't. but it's there. I could make pretty good art out of how deep it goes, but it's never going to be something I give to anyone but you, and when would that be? where? so there's this, a few words at the end of the day, a long journey behind me, a little one still ahead. I don't feel justified in loving anything, but I have that, I can find it even when I can't feel it, it's there, it's still there. I dream you getting all of it in another form, over and above the gutter all this flows down, I dream you hearing it somehow, right now, and on into the coming months, happy birthday, I hope so much it is.